It’s disarming the way you name kamacchanda not as a moral flaw but as a simple leaning away from what’s already here. I could feel that “not yet” pulse in my own day: the subtle forward tilt, as if the present moment were a waiting room rather than a home.
What stayed with me most is your question: Has this ever worked? It lands gently, but it doesn’t let us hide. There’s something quietly liberating in seeing the pattern without scolding ourselves for it; just noticing, like watching clouds thin enough for the sun to come through.
Thank you for beginning this series with such honesty. It feels less like instruction and more like a hand resting lightly on the shoulder, saying, “Look, you’re already standing where you hoped to arrive.” 🙏
Thank you for this my friend…truly. That “waiting room” image says it perfectly. The mind keeps postponing life, believing fulfillment is about to begin. And yes, the freedom isn’t in judging the pattern, but in seeing it clearly enough that it loses its authority. When the leaning stops, even for maybe a second, you realize nothing was missing. That recognition is already the path🙏
We tell ourselves, “If I just get this job, I’ll be happy.” “If I find the right person, I’ll be content.” “If I achieve this goal, I’ll finally be at peace.” And so we chase, and we strive, and we pour our hearts into pursuit after pursuit.
The very happiness we seek seems to dance just beyond our reach, like a child trying to catch sunlight in his hands.
Beautifully said and a very good example. That is so true and too many live the life you just described. I found it important to shine some awareness on the matter. Thank you.
Thank you Nick! This was a wonderful reminder to simply sit with some uncomfortable emotions and allow them to be as they are... A simple query about "who" is feeling this or what is aware of these sensations opens up a vast space where they can belong and, at the same time, not be "mine". 🙏🏼
I didn’t have a name for this phenomenon in my life and my mind before, now I know what this is. This was really helpful and insightful for me, thank you!
I find this fascinating - not least because I've been suffering from anxiety and insomnia for about two years, having become addicted to looking at my phone once I've gone to bed. I was so anti-Smart phone in the beginning, only finally giving into the need to have one in 2015, under duress from someone who insisted that a certain group I belonged to needed to be in constant contact on Whatsapp. Even then, I never took it into the bedroom at night and was incredulous that anyone else would do so. But gradually I became lured in and, yes, the addiction has all the elements you so neatly encapsulated. I have recently started writing a Substack, in which I am trying to understand my spiritual inheritance - essentially an interest sparked by my dad's own study of Theosophy - through converting the sporadic, inconsistent practice of meditation into something more regular. And reporting back, as it were. It is an acceptance that my path has been one that has been about trying to accumulate knowledge through reading or studying instead of "experience" although having a mind that has always wanted stimulation, I recognize now that I was desiring an elevated state of some sort - maybe just the dopamine hit but it did feel slightly more than that. I don't think it started out as an antidote to boredom but it sure as heck has become that - partly because there is so much information or competing ideas out there now that I'm always looking for a philosophy that will bring me peace but that search, paradoxically, disrupts the chance of that. Re living in the now, as opposed to an as-yet unknown future: is there a sense in which part of the deflection of thoughts into a better future can be construed as a need to take yourself out of a truly unbearable situation: if you are suffering from a debilitating disease, for example, or caught in a terrifying authoritarian regime. Wouldn't that be considered imagination, thrusting us into a time and place, if only in our heads, where life might be more comfortable? Isn't that the human need for hope. Incidentally, a curious thing about writing about my meditation experiences means that, often, as I listen to a guided talk, I find myself searching within for insights which I might be able to share which, I guess, somewhat defeats the object. It is something I am trying to let go of, in the hope that those insights might get lodged somewhere and emerge when they are ready or needed. Thanks for you writings, I shall be consulting the wisdom therein.
The paradox you're living — searching for a philosophy that brings peace while the searching itself prevents peace — that's sensory desire wearing a spiritual mask. And yes, hope matters when circumstances are genuinely unbearable, but there's a difference between vision that sustains you and fantasy that removes you from what needs facing. As for writing about insights during meditation: the mind hunting for material isn't meditating, it's performing. Let the practice be private. What's real will surface when you write without grasping for it. Thank you for this honesty🙏
Thanks for the thoughtful reply and clarifying something that I'd always struggled with regarding "being in the now" for want of a better phrase. On the writing, I've made it my career - and often enjoy it (not always!) The spiritual side of me is something I've hidden for a long time and despite occasional forays into meditation groups, I've never quite found a place of that sort in which I've felt a sense of belonging, albeit meeting some lovely, humble people. I feel the need to connect through that writing and as I like to laugh, and love words, and am searching, that feels the best outlet for me right now. I'm not trying to be disrespectful to anyone but I am aware my Substack has the potential to offend mildly. I'd hope to be funny in a kindly way. In one way, I guess I'm not writing for a "spiritual" audience as such but one that senses that materialism isn't the be-all and end-all of life, there IS something deeper, but in real terms we're very much at the beginning of this. If it resonates with others - and gives some pleasure - I hope it's a kind of service. The meditation-as-material is an attempt to provide a thin, thematic string to my thoughts - but I certainly take your point that "what's real will surface without grasping for it". Someone else said something very similar to me recently and it's occurred to me that trusting in that will be a challenge for me. I'll work on trying not to be too performative! Thanks again for taking the time to respond and I'm sorry for clogging up your Comments section.
So true. It is incredibly difficult to sit with the idea that I am enough right now. Every time I reach out for 'more' or try to 'fix' myself, I’m essentially telling my brain that my current state is a failure. Breaking that cycle of 'improvement' is the hardest work of all.
The most difficult part is to realize that you were not broken. You are whole, right in this very moment. it’s just the narratives you keep telling yourself that brings you suffering…
There are so many subtleties to this. For example I seek comfort in order to feel safe, and when I feel safe I no longer get caught in grasping and desire. But I also recognise the middle way, not having too much comfort or too little. This can change with outer circumstances, so we have to refine and adjust as we go along. Feeling safe within ourselves reduces the need for sensory desire.
Beautiful reflection, Anne. You’re pointing to something important. Safety is a real human need. When the nervous system feels threatened, the mind will grasp for comfort. That isn’t greed, it’s protection. The middle way isn’t about denying comfort, it’s about not mistaking it for lasting safety. Outer comfort can support us, but only inner steadiness frees us from craving. When safety comes from awareness itself, desire softens naturally.
Thank you, yes you are right, temporary comfort doesn't offer lasting safety, but it may just provide enough space to calm the nervous system. Then from that place we can practise our meditation to find an inner space of calm, free from craving and desire. It's a journey we take with ourselves and our awareness of each moment.
Every time I read your article I feel so much at peace. Things looks easier but it is not so in real. Need a practice and a control over thoughts galloping in the mind constantly 🙏🏿
Ironically, I’d set myself up with a small snack bar and a drink with meditation music softly playing. My intention was to meditate and relax first. I closed my eyes and within minutes I was reaching for my snack and picked up my phone…. Your post was the first thing I read.
I went on a Buddhist retreat and the monk spoke of the 5 hindrances which I found very interesting and made so much sense. Ever since, it has always been in the back of my mind.
Thank you for this beautifully written piece that expands so perfectly with what was a brief introduction at the retreat.
I am looking forward to your teachings on this over the coming weeks.
Happy to hear it resonates and that you are familiar with the hindrances:) I will do my best to explain the remaining hindrances over the coming weeks, thank you for your presence. Sadhu🙏
We start from an incomplete state and assume it is temporary and can be completed by doing the next thing or collecting the next thing. So we chase goals.
We are dissatisfied with current state and would like to be in some future. So we anticipate rest or meals when bored.
There are many ways out of grasping by thinking. But one can't force understanding and only wait for it to arrive on its own.
First, I am incomplete and unhappy and will remain so. So grasping becomes futile.
Second, I am complete. No amount of work done, goods collected, knowledge gathered etc. can add to what I am. So grasping becomes meaningless.
Third, one can envision oneself to be traveling in a circle where the start is the end point. This can effectively tell us that the miles traveled is practically a useless metric as you are always on the circumference and going back to 0. So grasping is ineffective because it keeps resetting to 0.
The pitfall with the these ideas are that they may not be correct and that one can't force them.
Like many people can't quit bad habits knowing them to be bad.
So I know this grasping for next is a hindrance. I can't seem to do anything about it.
You're still trying to think your way out of grasping, which is itself more grasping. The practice isn't adopting the right philosophical position about completeness. It's seeing grasping arise in real time and not feeding it. You already noticed it "I can't seem to do anything about it" … good. That's the seeing. Don't try to stop it. Just keep watching it happen. The understanding you're waiting for doesn't arrive through more thinking. It arrives when you stop mistaking thinking for practice.
I was late in reading this article and as I started this one with the idea of soon catching up to all I missed. So I was just doing what you said : imagining myself at the end of an imaginary race. It is perhaps because the end of any race we envision is taken as a better place to be at, than the start or middle.
In other words, this craving for more/next is partly because of the 'passive' ranking of future as better than present.
If I contradict this idea, it goes against progress. Work is usually taken as valuable, and partial work is greater than zero work. Hence future is preferable to present.
So do we always want to be at 'done' instead of 'to-do' or 'in-progress'?
No. eg, I don't fast forward music. I listen to it at its own pace. There may be other places too.
But I wander while I meditate. I am distracted while studying. I anticipate my meals. I am thinking of going to sleep soon.
I can't draw many conclusions from this about craving the next thing. Except perhaps I like listening to music but not studying or meditating. Or may be listening to music demands less of me than studying, meditating, etc. Or the idea of some tasks is better than actual doing them so done is preferable to doing.
You've found the distinction yourself: with music, you're present. With meditation, you're trying to finish. That's the difference between wise effort and craving. The Buddha didn't teach against progress or goals — he taught against abandoning this moment for an imagined better one. You can study, meditate, work toward something without living in "done." The question isn't whether the task is pleasant. It's whether you're here while doing it, or just tolerating now to get to later🙏
It’s disarming the way you name kamacchanda not as a moral flaw but as a simple leaning away from what’s already here. I could feel that “not yet” pulse in my own day: the subtle forward tilt, as if the present moment were a waiting room rather than a home.
What stayed with me most is your question: Has this ever worked? It lands gently, but it doesn’t let us hide. There’s something quietly liberating in seeing the pattern without scolding ourselves for it; just noticing, like watching clouds thin enough for the sun to come through.
Thank you for beginning this series with such honesty. It feels less like instruction and more like a hand resting lightly on the shoulder, saying, “Look, you’re already standing where you hoped to arrive.” 🙏
Thank you for this my friend…truly. That “waiting room” image says it perfectly. The mind keeps postponing life, believing fulfillment is about to begin. And yes, the freedom isn’t in judging the pattern, but in seeing it clearly enough that it loses its authority. When the leaning stops, even for maybe a second, you realize nothing was missing. That recognition is already the path🙏
We tell ourselves, “If I just get this job, I’ll be happy.” “If I find the right person, I’ll be content.” “If I achieve this goal, I’ll finally be at peace.” And so we chase, and we strive, and we pour our hearts into pursuit after pursuit.
The very happiness we seek seems to dance just beyond our reach, like a child trying to catch sunlight in his hands.
Beautifully said and a very good example. That is so true and too many live the life you just described. I found it important to shine some awareness on the matter. Thank you.
Thank you Nick! This was a wonderful reminder to simply sit with some uncomfortable emotions and allow them to be as they are... A simple query about "who" is feeling this or what is aware of these sensations opens up a vast space where they can belong and, at the same time, not be "mine". 🙏🏼
you are welcome, yes, we call it “Anatta” non-self in Buddhism, there is no permanent, unchanging self or soul in any being or phenomenon…
I didn’t have a name for this phenomenon in my life and my mind before, now I know what this is. This was really helpful and insightful for me, thank you!
Very happy to hear it was helpful Kai. You are most welcome.
The itch. Appreciate this teaching, Nick!
Truly happy it resonated with you , you are welcome :)
I find this fascinating - not least because I've been suffering from anxiety and insomnia for about two years, having become addicted to looking at my phone once I've gone to bed. I was so anti-Smart phone in the beginning, only finally giving into the need to have one in 2015, under duress from someone who insisted that a certain group I belonged to needed to be in constant contact on Whatsapp. Even then, I never took it into the bedroom at night and was incredulous that anyone else would do so. But gradually I became lured in and, yes, the addiction has all the elements you so neatly encapsulated. I have recently started writing a Substack, in which I am trying to understand my spiritual inheritance - essentially an interest sparked by my dad's own study of Theosophy - through converting the sporadic, inconsistent practice of meditation into something more regular. And reporting back, as it were. It is an acceptance that my path has been one that has been about trying to accumulate knowledge through reading or studying instead of "experience" although having a mind that has always wanted stimulation, I recognize now that I was desiring an elevated state of some sort - maybe just the dopamine hit but it did feel slightly more than that. I don't think it started out as an antidote to boredom but it sure as heck has become that - partly because there is so much information or competing ideas out there now that I'm always looking for a philosophy that will bring me peace but that search, paradoxically, disrupts the chance of that. Re living in the now, as opposed to an as-yet unknown future: is there a sense in which part of the deflection of thoughts into a better future can be construed as a need to take yourself out of a truly unbearable situation: if you are suffering from a debilitating disease, for example, or caught in a terrifying authoritarian regime. Wouldn't that be considered imagination, thrusting us into a time and place, if only in our heads, where life might be more comfortable? Isn't that the human need for hope. Incidentally, a curious thing about writing about my meditation experiences means that, often, as I listen to a guided talk, I find myself searching within for insights which I might be able to share which, I guess, somewhat defeats the object. It is something I am trying to let go of, in the hope that those insights might get lodged somewhere and emerge when they are ready or needed. Thanks for you writings, I shall be consulting the wisdom therein.
The paradox you're living — searching for a philosophy that brings peace while the searching itself prevents peace — that's sensory desire wearing a spiritual mask. And yes, hope matters when circumstances are genuinely unbearable, but there's a difference between vision that sustains you and fantasy that removes you from what needs facing. As for writing about insights during meditation: the mind hunting for material isn't meditating, it's performing. Let the practice be private. What's real will surface when you write without grasping for it. Thank you for this honesty🙏
Thanks for the thoughtful reply and clarifying something that I'd always struggled with regarding "being in the now" for want of a better phrase. On the writing, I've made it my career - and often enjoy it (not always!) The spiritual side of me is something I've hidden for a long time and despite occasional forays into meditation groups, I've never quite found a place of that sort in which I've felt a sense of belonging, albeit meeting some lovely, humble people. I feel the need to connect through that writing and as I like to laugh, and love words, and am searching, that feels the best outlet for me right now. I'm not trying to be disrespectful to anyone but I am aware my Substack has the potential to offend mildly. I'd hope to be funny in a kindly way. In one way, I guess I'm not writing for a "spiritual" audience as such but one that senses that materialism isn't the be-all and end-all of life, there IS something deeper, but in real terms we're very much at the beginning of this. If it resonates with others - and gives some pleasure - I hope it's a kind of service. The meditation-as-material is an attempt to provide a thin, thematic string to my thoughts - but I certainly take your point that "what's real will surface without grasping for it". Someone else said something very similar to me recently and it's occurred to me that trusting in that will be a challenge for me. I'll work on trying not to be too performative! Thanks again for taking the time to respond and I'm sorry for clogging up your Comments section.
Thank you so much, Nick 🙏🏻 This is really helpful!
My pleasure friend, happy it helped:)🙏🏻
I had to restack this one, Nick. It’s so important to see how we live outside the now by constantly striving.
Glad you are spreading the message to raise the awareness on this Monica, and you are right regarding the constant striving part. Sadhu 🙏
So true. It is incredibly difficult to sit with the idea that I am enough right now. Every time I reach out for 'more' or try to 'fix' myself, I’m essentially telling my brain that my current state is a failure. Breaking that cycle of 'improvement' is the hardest work of all.
The most difficult part is to realize that you were not broken. You are whole, right in this very moment. it’s just the narratives you keep telling yourself that brings you suffering…
❤️
There are so many subtleties to this. For example I seek comfort in order to feel safe, and when I feel safe I no longer get caught in grasping and desire. But I also recognise the middle way, not having too much comfort or too little. This can change with outer circumstances, so we have to refine and adjust as we go along. Feeling safe within ourselves reduces the need for sensory desire.
Beautiful reflection, Anne. You’re pointing to something important. Safety is a real human need. When the nervous system feels threatened, the mind will grasp for comfort. That isn’t greed, it’s protection. The middle way isn’t about denying comfort, it’s about not mistaking it for lasting safety. Outer comfort can support us, but only inner steadiness frees us from craving. When safety comes from awareness itself, desire softens naturally.
Thank you, yes you are right, temporary comfort doesn't offer lasting safety, but it may just provide enough space to calm the nervous system. Then from that place we can practise our meditation to find an inner space of calm, free from craving and desire. It's a journey we take with ourselves and our awareness of each moment.
Hey Nick
Every time I read your article I feel so much at peace. Things looks easier but it is not so in real. Need a practice and a control over thoughts galloping in the mind constantly 🙏🏿
Thanks for sharing 🙏🏿
Thoroughly enjoyred reading
☮️☮️💜☮️💜☮️
Ironically, I’d set myself up with a small snack bar and a drink with meditation music softly playing. My intention was to meditate and relax first. I closed my eyes and within minutes I was reaching for my snack and picked up my phone…. Your post was the first thing I read.
I went on a Buddhist retreat and the monk spoke of the 5 hindrances which I found very interesting and made so much sense. Ever since, it has always been in the back of my mind.
Thank you for this beautifully written piece that expands so perfectly with what was a brief introduction at the retreat.
I am looking forward to your teachings on this over the coming weeks.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom. 🙏
Happy to hear it resonates and that you are familiar with the hindrances:) I will do my best to explain the remaining hindrances over the coming weeks, thank you for your presence. Sadhu🙏
Let's process this in reverse.
We start from an incomplete state and assume it is temporary and can be completed by doing the next thing or collecting the next thing. So we chase goals.
We are dissatisfied with current state and would like to be in some future. So we anticipate rest or meals when bored.
There are many ways out of grasping by thinking. But one can't force understanding and only wait for it to arrive on its own.
First, I am incomplete and unhappy and will remain so. So grasping becomes futile.
Second, I am complete. No amount of work done, goods collected, knowledge gathered etc. can add to what I am. So grasping becomes meaningless.
Third, one can envision oneself to be traveling in a circle where the start is the end point. This can effectively tell us that the miles traveled is practically a useless metric as you are always on the circumference and going back to 0. So grasping is ineffective because it keeps resetting to 0.
The pitfall with the these ideas are that they may not be correct and that one can't force them.
Like many people can't quit bad habits knowing them to be bad.
So I know this grasping for next is a hindrance. I can't seem to do anything about it.
You're still trying to think your way out of grasping, which is itself more grasping. The practice isn't adopting the right philosophical position about completeness. It's seeing grasping arise in real time and not feeding it. You already noticed it "I can't seem to do anything about it" … good. That's the seeing. Don't try to stop it. Just keep watching it happen. The understanding you're waiting for doesn't arrive through more thinking. It arrives when you stop mistaking thinking for practice.
I was late in reading this article and as I started this one with the idea of soon catching up to all I missed. So I was just doing what you said : imagining myself at the end of an imaginary race. It is perhaps because the end of any race we envision is taken as a better place to be at, than the start or middle.
In other words, this craving for more/next is partly because of the 'passive' ranking of future as better than present.
If I contradict this idea, it goes against progress. Work is usually taken as valuable, and partial work is greater than zero work. Hence future is preferable to present.
So do we always want to be at 'done' instead of 'to-do' or 'in-progress'?
No. eg, I don't fast forward music. I listen to it at its own pace. There may be other places too.
But I wander while I meditate. I am distracted while studying. I anticipate my meals. I am thinking of going to sleep soon.
I can't draw many conclusions from this about craving the next thing. Except perhaps I like listening to music but not studying or meditating. Or may be listening to music demands less of me than studying, meditating, etc. Or the idea of some tasks is better than actual doing them so done is preferable to doing.
You've found the distinction yourself: with music, you're present. With meditation, you're trying to finish. That's the difference between wise effort and craving. The Buddha didn't teach against progress or goals — he taught against abandoning this moment for an imagined better one. You can study, meditate, work toward something without living in "done." The question isn't whether the task is pleasant. It's whether you're here while doing it, or just tolerating now to get to later🙏